https://www.kineticroothr.com/the-root-cause-blog daily 0.75 2026-08-04 https://www.kineticroothr.com/the-root-cause-blog/401k-balancing-act monthly 0.5 2026-08-05 https://www.kineticroothr.com/the-root-cause-blog/how-to-get-fired-from-your-9-to-5 monthly 0.5 2026-07-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/30bb0090-c61e-4622-b631-5b5e7951d948/ChatGPT+Image+Jul+28%2C+2026%2C+09_02_57+PM.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Someone offers a gentle suggestion and you respond like they’ve insulted your entire bloodline. Bonus points for the Michael Scott special — declaring something loudly and confidently does not, it turns out, make it true. The fastest way to stall a career is to make sure no one can ever tell you anything. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/6e08e7cc-07f3-426b-be0c-a55fa395d96a/2.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Why do the job you were hired for when you could be launching your next venture from your desk? This is the Tom Haverford school of time management — endless side businesses workshopped during meetings — with a little Ryan-from-the-corporate-office energy mixed in. Ambition is great. Doing it instead of your actual job is how the job goes away. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/f12d94d6-29d9-4ba2-973a-ce51362fee3a/3.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Take a page from Hitchcock and Scully and turn quiet coasting into a lifestyle. Long lunches, mysterious absences from your desk, a heroic amount of effort spent looking busy. It’s impressive, in a way. It’s also the kind of thing that shows up clearly the moment anyone actually measures output. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/a414a340-0887-4252-989a-69582de97cb9/4.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Deadlines are just vibes, right? Promise the thing, miss the thing, act surprised, repeat. Few things erode trust faster than being the person whose commitments come with an asterisk. (Even Ron Swanson, who hates most things about offices, respects a person who does what they said they’d do.) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/cb1076e3-16ef-461c-9c0a-965a0aa992e2/5.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Forty people do not need your “thanks!” And they definitely don’t need the spirited public thread you’re about to start. Few habits announce “I have not thought about how my actions affect others” quite as efficiently as a runaway reply-all. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/c0d385e1-688d-4b76-844d-55e6f224a93b/6.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Why share credit when you could claim all of it? Channel a little Gina Linetti and treat the team’s success as your personal highlight reel. Or go the Jake Peralta route and turn the workplace into your own playground of bits and dares — fun at first, exhausting by month three. Confidence is great. Confidence that leaves no room for anyone else is how you end up celebrating alone. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/94db4913-d19b-41d6-9c01-bbf4d302663b/7.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Take inspiration from Creed: keep your actual responsibilities vague, your whereabouts unclear, and your track record conveniently undocumented. And if you’re going to attempt something ambitious — say, a chili you’ve been simmering since dawn — at least learn from Kevin and don’t dump the entire pot on the office floor. Being unaccountable feels safe right up until someone asks, very reasonably, what exactly you’ve been working on. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6931f5f81a460157129e2e8c/88514c9d-72d5-4aed-9082-d9a6ff511472/8.png The Root Cause Blog - How to Get Fired From Your 9-5 (A Loving Satire) - Take credit, dodge blame, talk over people, and treat the team like furniture. 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